Tina's Web

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Adoption   

1st my words of "wisdom" Keep in mind always.. things will work out for the best.. patience is the key to the adoption process!

Adoption is more than just infants, or international adoptions. Children of all ages need love and families. What we like about the older kids is you can see their personality... and they too can make a decision if they do or do not want to be with you. It makes it more mutual, they have a true choice in the matter.

Our Goal

I have wanted to adopt since I was a kid, just always made sense to me, and always has seemed like what I personally should do, and needed to do. When I met my husband I told him then that I wanted to adopt a child, he liked the idea too!

What we are looking for.... school age, we are mostly focused on 8-12 age range, but we are not tied to that age. What is most important is the right child.

Starting out

Once we came to Colorado we started looking into adoption. We started going to adoption events only to see foster info available, nothing on adoption, and no one to answer questions. We eventually met a social worker (who came from another state) who wanted so much to help us, then she found out how things work in El Paso County, and shared that with us. In El Paso County we can only do foster, this is because this county became "privatized". If a child becomes legally available that you are fostering, then you can adopt, but you can not just "adopt only" in this county.

This was a bummer, but not an end-all, for us. we did/do not want to foster. We admire those who have that strength, but we would prefer to find our missing family member, and give them a permanent family and home.

We still looked to find out how to become approved to adopt, this seemed to be a very secretive/elusive concept when it comes to adoption. whenever and wherever we would ask this question, the reply would be "what do you want to know?"... argh! The events we attended the head of social services (who we had spoken to before) would chant about these kids needing homes.. but she was just as elusive when we had asked how to we get started??

Progress! The secret door!

Summer 2007, we attended a teen adoption event in Denver. at this event the available kids and their case workers were there. We went not looking for a child, but how to get started... we found that same old reply applied here too... until... we met a case worker who gave us the best lead! She referred us to Denver Human Services!! we were able to get our required classes, back ground check, home inspection & home study all completed everything through them! They were great.. still are.. very pleased with them.

Back to the teen event.. even though we were not looking for a child, the case worker who helped us, she had a child with her who was just precious and we connected right away. I continued contact with the case worker through our process.

1st Hope:

FINALLY... once our process was completed we were able to have a formal meeting (early Nov 07) about that child, and proceed from there. BUT... by the time we were up to bat the child's foster family decided they wanted to keep her too! About a month after the meeting I was informed the child chose to stay with that foster family. Several months later (April '08) I bumped into that case worker and she let me know that a (relative) family member came forward for that child.. and she is doing great! So that was wonderful to hear (nothing against the foster family, I don't blame them.. but I am just thrilled for that child.. we just wanted the best for her).

Interim

Back to the hunt:.... (Dec '07) so after I found out about the child we had inquired on... I asked now what? But I really did not get much of a response on that.. until I asked can/should I go elsewhere? they "found" a child "overnight" literally.. I got a call that next day about a child they had, they thought would be perfect for us.

2nd Try:

Next Step: I was skeptical about that child they found, but I wanted so much for this to work.. I was so hopeful! (Jan '08) So we met about her, to get details.. then met her, then had every other weekend visits with her. the weekend visits were not very helpful, since she seemed to treat us more like cruise line staff then her potential family.. she expected/demanded constant entertainment.. and kept the same relationship you would with staff.. where it was distant, and non-committal. we were able to have her over a week for spring break, and that was the eye opener.. she was here in body only (dramatic difference from previous visits).. and there were other things that sounded the alarms that this would not work. We did not want to make things harder on her, or disrupt her life further... we wanted her to be able to stay at the same foster home, so things could be consistent for her. We sought help and came to a decision.

She is a sweet young lady, and we hope for and want he best for her.. our decision was not due to acting out or anything like that.. we expect mis-behavior, it was so much more, and I won't go into that here.. but the bottom line was we knew it was not going to work.

NOW:
May 2008... we are just giving ourselves a breather before we look again. It is a hard and emotional process.. but nothing worthwhile is ever easy!

 

Adoption Links.

AdoptUSKids waiting children search.

Adoption Exchange Wonderful resource,  waiting children info.. and more!

Denver Human Services

Adoption birth, child, and more info... for birth mother and adoptive family... help if you were adopted, and much more!

Adopting more resources on adoption.